Books / Reading

What a Book Hates: Crimes You Commit to Them and The Punishment They Think You Deserve

What a book hates blog post headerBelow is a list of five things a lot of people do, a lot of people dislike, and a lot of people don’t mind; all told from a book’s perspective. After all, who better tell the story?

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1) Dog Eared Pages

Having dog eared pages, is quite a bit like what you humans think of filthy and long nails,  odd and unpleasant odours and the like. Of course, dog eared pages don’t exactly hinder the actual reading of the book, but it hurts. It may not hurt the more important aspect of the actual amazing words that we possess, but it hurts our appearance. Even the lesser vain among us, without stunningly fancy covers, do care.

It isn’t an extremely serious crime if you ask us, but it is a crime nonetheless. A bit like shoplifting, in our opinions. We think that you can go forever without a shower if you did permanent damage, or a month without a shower if it is retractable (but still not perfect like before). You know what though? Even if you are granted showers after that month, we think that everyone would still consider you to be the one that left that bad taste in their mouths.

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2) Drawing and Writing

We understand that humans are artistic and creative beings. But does that mean that you must lack humanity? Or inconsiderateness? Or perhaps it is selfishness that leads you to do no good to us. Whether it is letting your younger siblings or children get away with scribbling (which might we add is not artistic at all, in our humble opinions), perhaps on accident, or perhaps frighten not; or taking notes and highlighting, may we please just tell you one thing. All the inky marks you leave on us, they are tattoos we would much rather not have.

To give you a taste of what it feels like, depending on how many ‘freebie tattoos’ you have bestowed upon us, we would give you exactly that in return. If they were pencil markings, then temporary tattoos. But remember, you don’t get to choose what will be inked upon you. Who knows? Perhaps you’ll end up having, ‘he’s the primary character, killer and attention-seeker.’ , or the likes on your shoulder.

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We books are good at sarcasm, too.

3) Spills and Stains, and Dirty Finger Smudges

This is rather related to the tattoos we did not ask for, but in some ways, it could perhaps be even worse. With the drawing and writing, at least, despite the horrible markings, they were clean. What do we mean? Although it is a horrid thing to have to say this, but in truth, we would much rather have some literary notes covering us than ant-seeking coffee stains, or the DNA of humans.

Need we say more?

The stains don’t even stay on one page, either. They sink through pages and pages, and all we want to do run away and cry. Not that we have the choice- especially since all our pages are stuck together. On another hand, don’t think you’ve gotten away if you’ve drenched us in water. Drowning is no fun, whether you are a human or a book.

You can keep wearing that shirt with multiple stains from unfortunate spills that won’t come out, every single day; to get a feel of what we are talking about.  Or, you can wear a wet shirt every day.

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Please tell us that these aren’t your role models…

4) Torn Pages

I’m sure many of you humans know what having a broken body part feels like. Painful, right? And rather uncomfortable wearing one of those casts, as well. At least you’re able to recover from it, eventually. What about having torn pages? No, taping the torn parts is not a solution. It hurts, and hurts and hurts, and unless you would like to have a permanent broken limb or two, please be more careful.

Or in some cases, keep your angry two year old; no discrimination towards two year olds meant, they are simply an example- keep any hazardous acquaintances away from us.

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No sarcasm, this time.

5) Cracked Spines

Of course, as we age, it is only natural for us to slowly have deteriorating spines that could lead to cracked ones. Having cracked spines at a young age, however, is not only painful, but it makes us look bad in front of our peers as well. We are sure humans suffer similar problems about their spines, and it must be even worse for the young ones who are supposed to be highly energetic. (Hopefully not to do any harm to us though, using that energy.)

And so, if we have cracked spines, what should come to harm of your own spines?

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Of course, our Book friends are extremely kind, and probably would not actually force these punishments upon you, despite their over-imaginative minds. Instead, they would probably leave you this gif:

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And now I ask you, what are some of the things you strongly dislike, or perhaps so much you even are urged to use the word hate? What other things do you believe books would complain about if they had a chance?

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19 thoughts on “What a Book Hates: Crimes You Commit to Them and The Punishment They Think You Deserve

  1. Hmm. I must say, I think I’m on the books’ good sides! I try to not do any of those. Not saying I don’t have a few cracked spines, but I don’t do it intentionally…

    Let’s see. Being left open upside down (which I suppose causes a crack spine), being set sideways on top of other books on a bookshelf, rather than put on the shelf properly (erg, such a big pet peeve of mine ESPECIALLY WHEN MY SISTER DOES IT TO MY BOOKS), and…that’s all I can think of off the top of my head at the moment.

  2. *apologizes to books for torn pages, snack crumbs, and cracked spines* I don’t think I’ve ever dog-eared a page, though. I have written on interactive textbooks, but I hope that doesn’t count…

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